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Cooking Holidays

Fried White Potatoes

December 16, 2015

As much as I gripe about the tedium of the holiday season (see T’is The Season To Be Cranky,  November 30, 2015) I must confess that there is one time-honored December tradition to which I happily succumb.

As soon as the calendar informs me that we are about to embark on the eight days of Hanukkah, I am overtaken by a compulsive urge to make latkes.  Completely forgetting the horror of clean-up, I am motivated by visions of the succulent food with the delicious, crispy brown edges.

As an aside, one must always consult the calendar to verify the arrival of this holiday, because, unlike Christmas, it has no specific designated date.  Rather, from year to year, it tends to hover over the month, and its descent is always a surprise.  Not being a student of the Hebrew calendar, its landing always appeared to me as being completely arbitrary, although I’m sure that’s not the case.  But, like all Jewish holidays, it’s never on time.  It’s either early or late.  In fact, I can recall one year, in the not-so-distant past, when Hanukkah was so eager to arrive, it actually collided with Thanksgiving.

But back to latkes.  For the uninitiated, a latke (pronounced lat kuh, with emphasis on the lat) may appear to be nothing more than a fried potato pancake.  But in truth, the little latke is so much more.  It’s a fried potato pancake with a soul.  The making and the eating is a treat for all the senses.  Therefore, once a year, I say throw food caution to the wind, swallow an extra statin, and prepare to enjoy starch cooked in oil.

Actually, as a holiday tradition, it’s all about the oil.  Cooking with oil is a commemoration of the ravaged temple and the miracle of the small amount of olive oil that kept the eternal light burning for eight days, instead of just one.   But it is not my intention here to retell the Hanukkah story.  If one is interested, one can always consult Rabbi Google.  Rather, it is to praise the latke.

gluten-free-egg-free-latkes2.jpgLatke.  I even love the sound of the word, which I find somewhat sensual.  Uttered slowly and softly, letting the tip of the tongue rise to plant a gentle caress just behind the teeth, could there be a more loving term of endearment?  Come to me, my little latke.

But like all things Jewish, the proper preparation of latkes is not without differences of opinion.  Traditionalists claim that the only authentic way to make them is to grate the potatoes by hand.  Since I don’t believe that a preferred methodology is discussed in any biblical text, I stand with those who shred by food processor.    The outcome is just as good, and one’s knuckles remain intact.  (Contrary to popular belief, knuckle blood is really not the secret ingredient in a good latke.)

I prefer to get my tactile fix from squeezing the liquid from the shredded potatoes, then combining the other ingredients with my 10 digits.  Want to release your inner child and relive the early developmental gratification of playing with your food?  There’s nothing like being up to your elbows in potatoes, onions, eggs, and flour (or matzoh meal if you prefer).

And what can compare with the aroma of frying the latke?  Nothing, except for eating the latke.  Garnish as you like – apple sauce, sour cream, even caviar.  And voila!  The dull potato has been elevated into a luxurious treat.

And I say fie on the spoilers who attempt to ruin the entire experience by suggesting healthy alternatives.  Like baking, instead of frying.  Or substituting other vegetables for the potato.  A kale and cauliflower latke? Really?

And don’t even think about using a prepared mix!

I confess there is a downside to this otherwise joyous experience.  I must now begin to repair the damage that used to be my kitchen.  But not even the splotches of potato starch that have landed on my floor and counters, and the splattered oil on my stove, can detract from my satisfaction.

And the secondary benefit?  The memory of the experience that comes from the lingering odor of potatoes cooked in oil which will permeate the house long after the eight days have run their course.

And once everything is nice and tidy, I know I will forget the mess and do it all over again next year.  Whenever Hanukkah decides to arrive.

Cooking Dining Holidays

Brisket Reconsidered

January 15, 2015

I’m so glad this holiday season is over.  Because if I hear one more boast about brisket, I think I’m going to spray paint someone’s Dutch oven.  When did brisket emerge as the national dish of December? And where was I when this was happening? Clearly not in the supermarket purchasing Lipton’s Onion Soup Mix.

I realized that I was living on the fringe of a cult when I innocently asked a few friends, “How was your holiday? Did your family join you?” And to a person, the response was consistent –“Yes they did, and I made a brisket!”  The pride factor was palpable.

Another aspect of this mania that I found utterly baffling was that each woman who rhapsodized about this fatty chunk of beef claimed to have the absolutely best brisket recipe ever, a family treasure handed down from Great-Aunt Selma, whose secret ingredient was whispered in the greatest confidence – grape jelly!  Or was it Coca-Cola?  (Some weird stuff goes into brisket.)

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Cooking Summer Rental Vacation

Other People’s Spices

July 16, 2013

It is July and once again we have succumbed to the temptation of a summer rental. Apparently the seduction of a new experience was more powerful than the memory of our last rental.  At that time we had fallen in love with a charming, rustic home on an island with beautiful beaches.  At least I heard that the beaches were beautiful.

For three weeks I viewed life through a screened-in porch.  I was loath to go outdoors for fear of being eaten alive by voracious mosquitoes.   Mosquitoes that seemed to thrive on bug spray and had no respect for protective clothing.

But time does have a way of subduing unpleasant experiences.  Otherwise, there would be no such thing as siblings, would there? So here we are again, committed to another three weeks in someone else’s house.

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Cooking Men Retirement Spouse

Code Red: Man in the Kitchen!

June 15, 2012

Question:  What’s the scariest thing that a wife of forty years might hear from her husband?

(No, it’s not “I’m leaving you for a younger woman,” though that might be preferable to the true correct response.)

Answer:  “Honey, at the end of the year, I’m going to retire.”

Question:  What’s the scariest thing that a wife of forty years might catch her retired husband doing? (No, it’s not logging on to internet porn, though, again, that might be preferable.)

Answer:  Sitting on the couch in front of the TV screen in the middle of the day watching The Iron Chef!

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