So why do I feel like I’m doomed to spend the rest of my days imprisoned in an old Groucho Marx quiz show? Or, during my time off for good behavior, my confinement is relocated to a Monty Python movie?
Not just any Monty Python movie, but specifically “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” My captors do not permit me to romp through the entire film, but limit me to one scene, which, like “Groundhog Day” (as long as we’re using cinematic references), is repeated over and over again.
I don’t mean to sound presidential, but I do want to be perfectly clear. I know for a fact that I could have happily lived out the rest of my days without ever having participated in Social Media.
Social Media. I find the very name a paradox. Can you imagine anything more antisocial than a system that causes one’s complete attention to be focused on a device screen, to the exclusion of everything and everyone around you? Hey, watch out for that manhole!
But one must do what one must do, and when I initiated this blog almost 4 years ago, it was recommended that I create a Facebook page to reach a larger audience. There were hundreds, even thousands, of people out there waiting to “friend” me, hungry for every word I was writing. I have to admit it has worked, (well, maybe not thousands) and that my heart does beat a little faster when I see another “thumbs up” icon on my site.
This essay has to be quick, brief and simple. Why? Because I am at risk! Any minute now some unseen entity could be looking over my shoulder and stealing every word that I write. So I’m saving all of my really good words for another time when my security is not in jeopardy.
(Did I just use the word “jeopardy?” Uh oh! That was one of my good words. I must be more careful going forward.)
How do I happen to find myself in this situation? Believe me, through no fault of my own. The current circumstance is an unfortunate sequelae of trusting a higher power. (“Sequelae.” Damn! Just blew another one.)
I’m sitting here typing and trying to be very quiet. I’m about to write terrible things about my computer and I don’t want it to know. I realize I sound more than a touch crazy, but I’m convinced that if I’m not circumspect, and the central processing unit gets wind of what I’m doing, a temper tantrum will ensue, and I will have to endure another major breakdown, like I did last Saturday.
The fact that the malfunction occurred on a weekend, when one is less likely to obtain technical assistance, just goes to demonstrate its capacity for malice. And all this time it was pretending to be my friend.
It was a slow build-up of trust over the years. I admit at first I was skeptical, even a little afraid. Once you reach a certain decade, you don’t necessarily welcome innovation into your life. Especially innovation that comes with a snakes’ nest of electrical wires. The way you presently get things done is just fine, thank you very much. ( I suppose I’d have had the same response to the electric typewriter if I’d been this age back then.)
(With apologies to WordPress, who really was very helpful)
Dear Unknown Blog Support Person:
I am following the help desk instructions on your web site so here is my question. I started a blog with you and now want to change the name of the blog and corresponding web address. How do I do this? Susan
Do-Not-Reply e-mail response:
Dear Susan: Your question is coming to us through cyberspace as we write and will be answered by one of our friendly customer support people as soon as possible. We maintain control and you must wait your turn. Any attempt on your part to respond to this e-mail may result in permanent banishment from our web site.